Making Sex a Spiritual Practice
Can sex be a divine experience? Can we know who we are beyond the limits of this world and our bodies through the act of making love?
Yes, in fact according to tantra, sex can be an accelerated way to connect to the Divine within our partner and ultimately within ourselves.
So how do we go about making our sexual experiences, our love making one of a spiritual nature?
Tantra, an ancient holistic spiritual path which uses our material realm and energy to accelerate us towards a divine state gives us an outline as to what we can do as practitioners to make our love making tantric, therefore making making sex a spiritual expression.
There are four main steps, outlined below, that transform having sex into a spiritual practice.
Consecration is the act of evoking and offering your actions, in this case, sex to the Divine, God if you will.
When you invite the Divine to take part in whatever you are about to enter, that act becomes divinely aligned, making everything that occurs during the act a blessing. The act of consecration is so powerful that when you consecrate a space seeds are planted that serve your highest good, everything in that situation is for your spiritual evolution.
If you take away anything from this article, take this, it is a powerful practice. Inviting the Divine into any and all areas of your life is a way to ensure transformation.
Energy conservation, in Sanskrit and in traditional tantric texts is called Brachmacharya and it tells us that our sexual energy is incredibly powerful, so powerful in fact that is should not be wasted. Brachmacharya is all about the containment of our sexual energy, in fact this is the most foundational aspect of tantra.
So how do we practice this?
It looks different for both men and women.
For men this looks like achieving orgasm without ejaculation, without expelling your sexual energy. When a man can begin to control the amount of energy or pleasure he is feeling and ride the edge of ejaculation he will eventually (with the help of consecration, intention and training) be able to surpass the ejaculation and still achieve orgasm. In fact when a man can achieve this tantric orgasm he will experience even more pleasure than he would have during an orgasm with ejaculation.
I once had a lover who was able to achieve tantric orgasms and one time decided to ejaculate and he said to himself “I can’t believe I used to call that an orgasm”.
When a man experiences a tantric orgasm he is keeping all his energy within his being, which means after he has an orgasm there is no loss of energy which means he can continue with the act of love making and experience multiple orgasms.
For women, Brachmacharya looks different, as women we can conserve our sexual energy through having implosive orgasms and through diminishing our menstruation.
As women imploding our orgasms tends to be an easier practice than it is for men.
Vaginal (G spot and cervical) orgasms tend to be naturally implosive, and while experiencing these orgasms the intention and focus on retaining the energy is often enough to contain the energy within your system. Clitoral orgasms, although not naturally implosive can be imploded with the same method although it tends to take a bit more effort and concentration.
Menstrual fluids hold a lot of sexual energy, now we don't want to stop or diminish the ovulation but just the amount of fluid we experience every month. Through intention, yoga, sublimation (more on this later) and diet woman can begin to diminish the amount of fluid they excrete every month. The result in women not losing as much energy through implosive orgasms and less loss of menstrual fluid means more of that energy is staying within your own being.
So if we are keeping all this energy within our structure what do we do with it? In tantra, we want to raise the energy up through our being.
A way to help focus on and move the energy is to focus on our chakras, which are energy centres within our body. It is important to know that our chakras are more than just energy centres, they are also levels of consciousness - mental states.
What does this mean? It means that when we focus our energy on or towards certain chakras more energy is infused towards that level of consciousness. Therefore during lovemaking if we imagine all that sexual energy moving towards our heart chakra, for example, then not only is the energy moving towards our heart centre but the mental states, qualities and characteristics of that chakra begin to expand which in turn impacts our thoughts and behaviours.
Where are the chakras and what do they each mean?
The Root or Base chakra, is located at the level of the perineum in between the anus and genitals. The mental state and qualities at this level are around, safety, security, family and survival.
The Sacral chakra is located two finger widths above the clitoris for women and the base of the penis for men. The mental state and qualities at this level are creativity, fantasy, social connection and pleasure.
The Solar plexus chakra is located two to three finger widths above the navel, so not exactly in the area of the solar plexus as most think. The mental state and qualities at this level are confidence, will power, ambition and ego.
The Heart chakra is located in the centre of the chest, in between the two nipples. The mental state and qualities at this level are unconditional love, affection, selflessness and peace.
The Throat chakra is located in the centre of the throat. The mental state and qualities at this level are high aesthetic, exaltation, refined communication and transfiguration (more on this shortly).
The Third Eye chakra is located at the centre of the forehead. The mental state and qualities at this level are higher mental powers, clairvoyance, and is known as the mental command centre.
The Crown chakra is located above the top of the head. The qualities at this level correspond to the Divine, this is where true detachment and wisdom lies.
So when we practice sublimation we are practicing raising our level of consciousness.
How do we move the energy from one chakra to the other? There are many ways, the most common being through visualization, imagining the energy moving upwards to a certain chakra or simply focusing on a higher chakra and with your mind the energy will move. Where the mind goes energy flows.
There are also yoga techniques such as headstand and Uddiyanda Banda that help move the energy, although they may not be the sexiest techniques they certainly work.
Transfiguration is both the path and the goal of tantra, but what is it and what does it mean?
Figure means form, you/your partners physical form, gender and trans means to shine beyond. Therefore, Transfiguration means to shine beyond the physical form, to witness your partner and be witnessed as your true Divine self, your true essence.
This is where tantra becomes magical, and as a tantra instructor this is where I have seen and experienced the most transformation.
Looking beyond the physical structure of your partner and what they perceive as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ features allows you to not only see but to feel and experience your partner as a divine creature. During transfiguration its not only important to witness our partner but also to be witnessed as as a spiritual being. Being seen as and witnessing our selves being seen as Divine by our partner is both transformative and liberating.
Once we see both our own, as well as someone else’s true nature, we see who they really are and a true knowing and connection can start and/or become stronger.
So how can we practice transfiguration? You can start by eye gazing with your partner, look into each others eyes for a period of time so that the obvious, the physical can begin to fall away and you begin to see their radiance.
Transfiguration can also be practiced outside the bedroom. Glorify your partner and start looking for the beauty that surrounds you and exaggerate it out of proportion. Change the things around you from the ordinary to the Divine.
Know that you are the magician and you create the magic.
Through being more conscious during sex and applying these four steps when with your partner you can begin to open your heart even more, truly make love and begin to know the Truth that lies within you both.
After two life changing experiences, divorce and the death of her brother Kerri quit her job and sold everything. After traveling around the world she found herself living in a tantric community in the gulf of Thailand. Now after more than three years of living overseas she has returned to Canada as a coach and tantra teacher, back to pass on and share all she has learned within tantra and spirituality. She also shares all of her wild and intimate stories through her blog.